Last night, I went to my first Caregivers Education Series
class at the Alzheimer Society, and came away with two useful insights.
The first is that I am very fortunate. Compared to many of the other stories that were being shared, my experience as a caregiver is a relatively happy one so far. My father is not exhibiting the more difficult personality changes that some of my fellow caregivers were reporting in their loved ones. For the most part, living with my father has been a joy.
The second is that I am on the right track in terms of responding to unusual behaviours. The educator stressed that maintaining trust should be the primary concern of caregivers. This includes no attempts to point out or correct mistakes in memory or reasoning. Such endeavours will not lead to improved functioning. Moreover, they create anxiety and mistrust in the loved one which will lead to more rapid decline.
The first is that I am very fortunate. Compared to many of the other stories that were being shared, my experience as a caregiver is a relatively happy one so far. My father is not exhibiting the more difficult personality changes that some of my fellow caregivers were reporting in their loved ones. For the most part, living with my father has been a joy.
The second is that I am on the right track in terms of responding to unusual behaviours. The educator stressed that maintaining trust should be the primary concern of caregivers. This includes no attempts to point out or correct mistakes in memory or reasoning. Such endeavours will not lead to improved functioning. Moreover, they create anxiety and mistrust in the loved one which will lead to more rapid decline.
During the class, I was also faced with a pet peeve of mine:
the use of the “they versus we” binary (“they” as persons with dementia and “we”
as caregivers of persons with dementia). I am not sure how to avoid this, if it can be avoided, or even if it should be
avoided. I only know that it doesn’t sit quite right with me (I cringe when I
find myself referring to my father as “they”).
Based on social science findings, members of an in-group ("we") will tend to identify more with one another than with members of an out-group ("they"). On
the positive side, such group identification promotes greater trust and cohesiveness
among members which, in the case of caregivers, paves the way for much needed peer support. However, it may
also promote greater psychological distance between caregivers and the persons they care for, as well as a tendency for caregivers to view persons with dementia less as diverse individuals and more as a homogenous group. The “we and they” binary is likely
also a defence against anxiety. If persons with dementia are “they,” then we caregivers can avoid confronting our own fears about aging and cognitive
and physical decline. Lots for me to think about there.
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