Caregivers Education Series: Class 2

I am finding it immensely rewarding to attend these classes. It's not that I am learning new things so much, but more that the classes are helping to consolidate what my experience is teaching me. This is having a positive impact on my attitude, motivation, and self-confidence.

Many ideas from this week's class stand out for me, including these:

1. Let go of the idea of perfection. As a caregiver with the best of intentions, it is easy to get down on yourself for those times when you succumb to frustration. "Remember that practice does not make perfect," said the educator. "Practice makes better,"she said. 
2. Welcome mistakes as opportunities for improvement. As Michael Jordan said: "I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." 
3. Ask yourself, "Do I want to be right or do I want peace?" In caring for someone with dementia, countless opportunities for disagreement present themselves. During these times, you quickly become aware of your own ego and its defensive need to be right. If you want peace, then you must learn to override the ego.
4. Try "therapeutic fibbing" to maintain peace and promote well-being. An example: "You didn't tell me that I have a doctor's appointment." "I'm sorry, dad, I must have forgotten." What would the effect be if I had said, "Dad, I told you about the appointment at least 5 times"? While this may be factually right, it would be morally wrong to respond to my father in ways that lead to confusion, embarrassment, or loss of self-confidence. 
5. Focus on emotional truths rather than facts. When the person with dementia recounts a memory that you know is factually incorrect, don't point out mistakes. Instead, respond to the emotions that are being conveyed. For example: "It sounds like you had a lot of fun."
6. When negative emotions arise, look for the source. Even though the facts may be incorrect, don't assume that the emotions conveyed are groundless. This reminded me of the one time that my gentle father became angry with me since I became his caregiver. At first I assumed that this uncharacteristic behaviour was due to the dementia. But later, once my hurt feelings had settled, I realized that he was responding to my attitude which, outside of my conscious awareness, had become increasingly patronizing and condescending. 
7. Don't try to communicate when negative emotions are high. Wait until things settle down. 
8. Treat the person with dementia with respect. He or she is your peer or elder, not your child, and should be treated accordingly. 
9. Provide the person with dementia with opportunities to feel useful. For instance, my dad loves to help around the house. Even if dishes don't get washed as well as I would like, it's great that he is still wanting to do those kinds of chores.
10. Remember that, no matter how far the disease progresses, the core of self will always remain. So much of the person is lost with dementia, and the fear is that the disease may make your loved one unrecognizable at some point. It helps tremendously to know that this will not be the case.  
11. Dementia exposes the true self. The self in dementia is often a self freed from social constraints and responsibilities. What you are seeing is the soul of the person. An example from my own life is that my previously shy and reserved father now loves to sing, crack jokes, and ham it up in front of a camera! He especially loves to entertain his granddaughters as you can see in this picture of Opa doing his impression of a gangsta rapper.